Personal Reflection and a Birthday

Hi Everyone!

Well, tomorrow (Aug 26th) marks my 31st Birthday!  I officially made it through my first year in my "30's" (ack!)  I remember when 20 seemed old.   It's been quite the year for me as I think back.   A trip to Rome and Germany, a BIG move back to the states, becoming a homeowner again, visits with old friends, seeing my family again.  Lots of happy times and some sad times too.  This year I decided not to do my annual Birthday Countdown starting on August 1st.  Just not in the spirit I suppose.  It's been a month of adjustments and somehow the fact that I even have a birthday this month kind of fell by the wayside. 

Since Jacob has started school and I've had this upcoming birthday, I've been doing a lot of personal reflection and have decided I'm at a crossroads with what to do with myself.   I was thinking back to when I turned 21, and 11.  Those were such carefree times.  I remember I couldn't wait until I hit that next milestone birthday.  Anyway, it's stirred up some memories, emotions, and realizations.  Which brought me to what I am about to share.   I admit, I'm not and never have been completely happy as a stay at home mom.  It's just not me.  I've had a hard time relating to my friend who feel as though staying home is the most rewarding experience ever.  I've tried to feel that way many times and I just don't.   I've given up on trying to relate to them because I cannot.  I am not "Little Suzie Homemaker" and never will be.  There, I admit it.  I also think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I had a career for 5 years before starting a family.  It became part of who I was and am.  I love Jacob, he's my one and only and therefore my world.  I loved that I had the last 3 years to stay home and watch him blossom into the little boy he is now, but I feel like there is so much more to life and that I am happy when I'm contributing to the family by working.  I also want Jacob to see that mommy can go to work like daddy.  I like being home, but not 24/7.  Ideally, I'd like something part time that allows me to have a nice home/work life balance.   Tim and I talked about this at length last week when he came home late one night to find a very frustrated, sad, teary Andrea.  He's behind me 100% which is what I was waiting to hear.  I am thankful he is so understanding.  So, instead of waiting until the new year like my original plan, I've decided to start looking sooner than later.  Which brings me to my next frustrating hurdle.  Finding the job.

In past years finding a job as a nurse was easy peasy.  Not anymore, in my area at least.  There was a great article in the local paper a week ago about how there is a nursing surplus, one that hasn't been seen in at least 11 years, again, in my area.  RN jobs seem to be few and far between.  Lots of ancillary and advanced practice jobs.  So, I either wait, give up, or go to grad school.  I've looked into Grad School at UAB and I have the undergraduate grades in my major to waive any entrance exams.  You don't know how happy I was to read that!  I cringe at the idea of taking an entrance exam after being out of school for 8 years.  It would just be a matter of tracking down some letters of recommendation.  I found a binder from my last semester of school where we had to write where we saw our careers in 5 and 10 years.  Apparently I thought I would already have this done or be almost done with it.  I got a good chuckle out of it.  As for the job hunt, I found my resume safetly stored on a thumb drive.  This was good news since  I thought I lost it on the hard drive of the old computer that passed away last August.   I think I have it tweaked just right for submissions.  I've been casually looking at jobs over the past couple of months and there hasn't been much like I stated above.  The last 2 weeks have shown some promise but they aren't posted for very long.  I've talked to the front office at Jacob's school to make sure I have some flexibility with before and after care.  Looks like I do so that part is taken care of.  That was a big part of me holding back.  I don't want to take a job unless I know Jacob is going to have somewhere to go and  I can pick him up.  That's the fun of not living near family and not knowing anyone.  That's another gripe for another day.  Giving up the job search all together.  I consider it and talk myself out of it daily.  That would be the easy way out but then I keep having this nagging feeling.  When it comes down to it, I'm not in a rush.  I'd rather take my time until something right comes along instead of taking the first thing, settling, being misrable and stressed.  So, that's where  I stand on the job hunt.  Stagnet and in limbo.

I've also decided I need to pull back from this darned computer.  It is so easy to get sucked into the black hole of time wasted on the computer when I could be doing more productive things.  I hate that as a society we have come to rely so heavily on the computer for everything.  While in Italy, I was lost without the computer as it was my outlet to the outside world.  Plus, since I found Facebook a year ago it's just gotten worse.  It's just to easy to know I can go to a website and find almost every friend I've ever had in one place and connect.

So, that's where I stand on the day before my birthday.   Looking back it was a good year overall.  Yeah, I wish somethings had gone differently but that's life.   There's always the year ahead!  Cheers!